


Do You Still Love Me?

by Irena__Rose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Parent John Winchester, Coming Out, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Family, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, Humour, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester’s A+ parenting, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sam Ships It, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24809308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irena__Rose/pseuds/Irena__Rose
Summary: "Seriously Sam? I tell you something like that and all you have to say is 'that's not what I was expecting'?!""Sorry, sorry! I was just surprised. You caught me off guard, that's all. So you like guys? Like, actual guys? Like stubble and no breasts and penises?""Yes. I like stubble and optional breasts and penises. Many many penises. And nice butts. And chicks, in case that wasn't obvious."Sam laughed. "I would be very surprised if you didn't like girls, Dean. I would also be very confused about the pile of 'Busty Asian Beauties' magazines under your bed."
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 219





	Do You Still Love Me?

"Hey Sammy, have you ever had a secret that you've never told anyone?" Dean took another sip of his whiskey. The brothers sat together on opposite sides of the table in the library.

"Of course, Dean. Everyone does." Sam didn't look up from the book spread across his lap.

"What's yours?"

"I have many. Most of which I wouldn't tell you if it would save my soul from hell."

"Hey! Don't say that. You of all people shouldn't say that. Especially to me."

"Relax, Dean. I don't mean literally. They're just more, you know, personal secrets, ones that I wouldn't want my brother knowing."

Dean took a moment to think about what Sam said, then exclaimed, "Gross, Sam! They're not the secrets I mean!"

Sam chuckled. "What, do you mean secrets like not telling me I was soulless for an entire year? Or not telling me I was possessed by an angel?" 

"Seriously, Sam? I thought you had forgiven me for that."

"I'm messing with you. What sort of things do you mean?"

"I don't know, personal things!" Dean avoided making eye contact with Sam. Instead he fiddled with his whiskey glass, watching the small amount of the amber liquid lick the sides of the glass.

"I'm sensing you have something big to tell me. Should I put my book away?"

Dean nodded, then poured the rest of the liquor down his throat, relishing in the burn.

"Is it something bad? Am I being possessed again? Because if I am then I swear to god I'll-"

"It's nothing like that, I swear." Dean wasn't sure if he could do this without more whiskey, but he had promised Sam that he would at least try to keep his alcohol consumption to under twenty units a week. It was only Thursday and he'd nearly gone over that already.

"Is it something like you took my toys when we were kids?"

"Ha-ha, very funny. And I don't think we really had that many toys anyway, Sammy."

"Fair point. Seriously though, what do you want to tell me?" Sam's eyebrows pulled together at the centre in concern.

"Well, you know when I was fourteen and I told you I had my first kiss with a blonde girl named Danielle behind the school cafeteria?"

"Oh yeah, I remember that. What about it?" Sam smiled to himself at the memory.

"Well, the person I kissed wasn't exactly called Danielle."

"Okay, what were they called?" Sam couldn't really see where this was going.

"That's not the point. The point is, umm, well..."

"What is it, Dean? It can't be that bad."

Dean worried his lip. "It's not bad. It's just... hard for me to talk about."

"I thought you hated chick-flick heart-to-hearts." Sam joked.

"You know I do. I've gotta get this off my chest though. I'm having another whiskey first." He leaned over the table and poured a generous serving into his glass.

"How long has this been weighing on you?" Sam asked.

"More or less twenty three years." Dean chugged half of the whiskey.

"Seriously? You've got me curious, what is this big secret of yours?"

Dean took a deep breath.

"I'm bisexual."

Dean held his breath in nervous anticipation. Sam leaned back in his chair. He wore his surprise openly on his face. To Dean's annoyance, he didn't say anything.

"God damn it Sammy, say something!" Dean yelled.

Sam complied. "That was... not what I was expecting."

"Seriously Sam? I tell you something like that and all you have to say is 'that's not what I was expecting'?!"

"Sorry, sorry! I was just surprised. You caught me off guard, that's all. So you like guys? Like, actual guys? Like stubble and no breasts and penises?"

"Yes. I like stubble and optional breasts and penises. Many many penises. And nice butts. And chicks, in case that wasn't obvious."

Sam laughed. "I would be very surprised if you didn't like girls, Dean. I would also be very confused about the pile of 'Busty Asian Beauties' magazines under your bed."

"Like you're Mr Chastity. Hey, remember when we reclaimed our virginities at that church?"

"And then straight after you slept with a pornstar? Yes, I remember." Dean remembers that sexcapade. That woman had done stuff he'd only seen in casaerotica. Memories from that day still fuelled his spankbank.

"Why now?" Sam asked.

"Excuse me?" Dean said.

"You've had all your life to tell me, why now?"

He thought about how best to phrase what he wanted to say. Dean went for bluntness. "Because I have a boyfriend."

Sam looked even more shocked than when Dean had come out to him moments before. Sober Dean would have probably been offended by that.

"Really? Is it serious?"

"Yes, I really have a boyfriend. And it is pretty serious. On my end at least."

"Well, who is he? When did you two meet? What's he like?" Sam asked.

"I'm never going this highschool-girl-slumber-party-ish ever again, you hear me?" Dean downed the last of this week's alcohol. "Okay, here goes. We met around six years ago."

"Six years! You've dated for six years and never said anything to me?!"

"Relax, Sammy. We've only been dating exclusively for about four months. It was just a series of casual hook-ups before that. He's... an unusual fella. Really dorky."

"Okay, that doesn't sound like your type at all." Sam remarked.

"He isn't just that. He's had a rough time of it in the past, but he's a lot better now. Trying to clean up his act. He's really important to me, Sammy. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him." Oh no, Dean thought. The emotional floodgates have been opened.

"Wow. You're actually in love with him? With a guy?" Sam was still trying to get his head around a non-straight version of Dean.

"Yeah. I'm in love with him."

"Have you told him that?"

"No. I don't know if he feels the same way."

"Oh, sorry bro. Look, I don't mean to be a dick, but where do you see this going? He's gonna find out about the Supernatural sooner or later, and when that happens, people tend to leave."

"He knows about what we do."

"You told him?! What the fuck, Dean! We agreed to never suck anyone into this unnecessarily."

"He was in deep before I even met him. And he can take care of himself."

"He's a hunter?"

"Not exactly. Close, though."

"Please tell me who this mystery guy is, Dean. I wanna meet him. Give him the 'If you ever hurt my brother I'll kill you and lock you in the cage with Lucifer' speech."

"There's no way in heaven or hell I'm letting you do that. And I don't need to introduce you two. You're already friends."

Sam though he couldn't get any more surprised. "For crying out loud, Dean, who is he?"

"Castiel."

Sam gawked. "You're dating Castiel."

"Yes, I am dating Cas."

"Our Cas?"

"Yep."

"You're messing with me." Sam said.

"Nope."

"Okay... when did you two first get together?" Sam asked.

"Remember when I told you about me taking Cas to a brothel?"

"Was that around the time we were dealing with the horsemen?"

"Yeah, I think so. What actually happened that night is that after me and Cas were thrown out of the brothel because he upset the hooker, we didn't go straight to the hospital. We were both a bit drunk and we kinda, well, fooled around in the car for a while."

"So Cas lost his virginity to you, not the reaper?"

"Yep. I felt really dirty afterwards. Something about taking an angel's innocence felt wrong."

That roused another laugh from Sam. "How many other times did you two do it?"

"Before we actually got together? Maybe two dozen, tops. A lot more recently though."

"And you're in love with him?" that was the bit Sam was having the most trouble believing.

"Very much so. I've got no idea how he feels towards me." Dean hadn't whared this much personal stuff with his brother in a long time.

"He loves you, Dean. You've gotta be an idiot not to realise that."

"I know he loves me. He loves both of us. What I don't know is if he's _in_ love with me. God, I just realised how fourteen-year-old-girl-ish that made me sound."

"You should tell him you love him. On any one day in our lives their is a strong possibility that we'll die. And next time you may never come back. Do you want to go into your next life knowing you never told him that?"

"Your logic is floored there, Sam. Even if I die I can still pray to him."

"Well what if he dies? Last I checked we don't know how to resurrect an angel."

Dean hated that that was true. "Okay, you got me. I'll tell him next time I see the guy."

"I'm really happy for you, man." Sam had a big grin plastered to his face.

"I'm happy for me too. And God, the sex is fucking _amazing."_

"I'm all for being supportive and shit, but I won't listen to you talk about your sex life."

"I can live with that. Thanks for being so cool about this. I've been building up the nerve for days." Dean admitted.

Sam frowned. "Why? What did you think I was gonna say?"

"I dunno. Dad wasn't too happy when he found out."

"Dad knew?"

"Yeah. He found out when I was called into the principal's office at one of the schools we went to." Dean fiddled with a loose thread coming off his shirt.

"Why were you at the principal's office?"

"I was fourteen. It was the day after my first kiss. It wasn't with a girl, it was a guy. Daniel. Somehow a bunch of bullies found out about it and called me and the guy faggots in front of a whole corridor full of people. At first I tried to ignore it, I really did. But then they kept on doing it, and I just snapped. I punched a kid, I think his name was Leo. And then I punched him again, and again, and again. When he fell to the floor I straddled him and just kept on hitting.

"I was sent to the principal's office and Dad was called in. I explained my side of the story and the other kid explained his. I know I shouldn't have beaten him up so bad, but I was not the only one who had done wrong. The principal and our Dad didn't see it that way though.

"Dad could barely look at me for weeks after that. He didn't say so, but I knew he was ashamed of me. He told me never to tell you; said he didn't want you getting any ideas. I didn't look at another guy in that way again. At least until Cas."

Sam took a moment to think of something to say. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry. That never should have happened. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know. One of the first things Cas said to me after we got together was that God didn't think it was wrong, being gay. Or bi, in my case."

"Is Cas gay?"

"He said that he was more attracted to someone's soul than their physical body."

"So he's attracted to your soul? That's kinda sweet."

"I know, right?" Dean felt a burden lift off him now that the truth was out in the open. "You're a great brother, Sam. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Just promise me you'll tell Cas you love him, okay?"

"I promise. Goodnight, Sammy."

"Goodnight, Dean."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated! Thanks for reading!


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